The Contradiction Muscle: One of Birth's Greatest Gifts

I was writing up my ideas for this piece and looking back over them and saw this sentence:

Holding contradictions peacefully is a muscle. I misread it, I read “holding CONTRACTIONS peacefully is a muscle” And it took me straight back to my fifth birth. 

The lived experience of a contradiction that is - contractions can be unmanageably painful. That, instinctively, makes us want to run from the pain.

So we do. 

Which creates adrenaline, which tightens our muscles. 

Which makes the contractions hurt more. 

Paradoxically, when we make the conscious choice to dive in with the contractions we allow the body to create oxytocin which 

a. Lessens the level of pain, 

b. Lessens the experience of the pain 

and c. Makes those less painful contractions increasingly effective! Genius! 

Adrenaline, btw, does the opposite. It: 

a. Increases the level of pain, 

b. Increases our experience of pain level and 

c. Causes the contractions to be less effective because we tighten up and are basically fighting against the power of the contraction and therefore stopping it from doing its job (of opening us up) effectively. 

Contradiction muscle… build it! Hone it, nourish it, it’s such a beautiful lesson! 

Also, it’s birth itself teaching us (again) how to parent… stay with me… 

In parenting we are repeatedly called upon to hold contradictions such as: 

* I protect my children and I let them go. 

* I accept my children exactly as they are and I encourage them to grow. 

* I want to rescue them and I know struggle can teach. 

* I lead them and I learn from them. 

* I am their safe place and I cannot keep them safe from everything. 

* I hold them close and I celebrate their independence. 

* I am enough and I will make mistakes. 

And the final contradiction - I like to have conclusions, they make me feel calm, satisfied, centred and in control. But they also tether me to the unmoving, stagnant space of “completed” 

So, I won’t end this with a conclusion. Which makes me happy and deeply uncomfortable all at once. 

Coz… it seems to me that wisdom isn’t found by removing paradox. 

Rather that wisdom grows as our capacity to hold it grows. 

Where are you holding contradiction today? 

How does it feel to you? 

Can you find the peace within that space? 

To hear about my birth experience check out my insta post #thebirthspaceofficial